Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
