she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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