You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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