If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
