Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
