Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
