and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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