who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
