people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
everyone is single if you try hard enough
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
