people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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