I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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