Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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