3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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