Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
