I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
