somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
