My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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