Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
