when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
