Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize