There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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