So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
