Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
