dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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