Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
