Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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