dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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