my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
