Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
