It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Two words: nipple clamps
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