The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
