its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
