I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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