True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
