Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
