It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
