Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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