I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Randomize
