Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
