my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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