Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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