I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why did my mother make you get naked?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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