she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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