dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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