the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
