based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
