3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
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I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
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I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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