I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
