I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
