I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
