he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
