So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
