Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
