I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
