Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i've created a new STD.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
