So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
