Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize