How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
