i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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